March 3, 2024, Sunday, overcast with light rain
The blog created over a hundred days ago, using domestic hosting, was backed up and still empty.
Looking back, because of impulse, I bought a 99 yuan per year hosting from Alibaba Cloud, and incidentally backed up, planning to make a personal resume website, showcasing my work experience, skills, and such. I thought that work-related things should not be taken lightly, and what I put out should reflect my abilities.
However, over a hundred days have passed, and I haven't even managed to create a resume template. I am very disappointed in myself! Am I so fallen that I don't want to work anymore?
Am I just going to live this life carelessly and aimlessly?
Deep down, I am not willing. There is always a voice inside me saying I cannot be a failure, I must do something.
But what to do? I have thought about doing charity work, becoming a counselor, a yoga instructor, a fitness coach, a content creator, various freelance jobs, and even thought about being a farmer, growing fruits, flowers, raising cats, dogs...
So far, all efforts have been in vain.
These past few years, I have been struggling with depression and sleep disorders. Outsiders don't know, only through writing some diaries, venting, and encouraging myself.
I also want to have a home like others. With a partner, children, it would be livelier, not feeling lonely. Having a family and children gives hope and responsibility, with my strong-willed nature, I cannot give up.
My neighbor said, since having children, he feels more resilient, what used to make him retreat now makes him fight harder, he cannot fall in the face of any difficulty. Because he loves his children, they are the pillars of his small family.
Character determines destiny.
In the past, when there were opportunities, I always thought I could become better, but repeatedly missed them; now that I am down and out, I cannot demand anything, nor can I compromise against my will. I know well that those who are stuck in the mud should not cling to anyone, they will be despised. Quickly climb out, clean up, don't let bad people throw stones at you.
When we get out of trouble, get back on track, with determination, hope, and enthusiasm, companions and partners will naturally appear. "Do not say there are no true friends on the road ahead, a heart as clear as ice and jade remains in the world."
When we are successful, we overestimate the future; when we fail, we underestimate the present.
In times of peace, think of danger, in adversity, seek change; this is a chance for rebirth, to become stronger, or to seek a new life. Let your heart and reason decide, staying vigilant and taking action will not be wrong.
"Action first, then plan," this is the wise motto for those lost in confusion and depression.
We are not chickens waiting to be slaughtered on a chopping board, we are living human beings. As humans, we must be flexible and full of vitality.
Tell yourself again, "Take action immediately," life goes on, keep going.